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here we go again [Jul. 6th, 2005|05:39 pm]
[Current Mood | exhausted]

This entry is going to be short and sweet seeing as how I am at my grandparents house and my battery is dying. I hung out with Shane and Rob the other night and let me tell you, they are two of the greatest guy friends EVER. First, it was off to Perkins to eat. Rob got french toast, I got mozzarella sticks, and Shane got cheese fries with "real cheese" which cracked me and Rob up. Then Shane said, "Rob, quick! Pour all the maple syrup on your french toast!" And so Rob had to do it. Then Rob told Shane, "Shane, quick! Eat a french fry with blueberry syrup on it!" And Shane had to do it. In fact, he liked it so much he ate a couple more like that. Then I had to eat a mozzerella stick with maple syrup on it, and really, it didn't taste too bad.

Plugged the laptop in, so now I don't have to rush.

Then after we were all done, it was out into the parking lot for SUNROOF JUMPING! Since I had the video camera with me, the boys decided to do little documentary sort of things. First, Rob narrated to "no car is safe from Shane Quinn returning to his home via the sunroof" in which Shane was some sort of animal returning to his "natural habitat" and all that craziness. It even adds to it when I grabbed the video camera away from Rob and there's a whole bunch of jerky movements and staring at the ground. Second, Rob "recreated" the sunroof jumping that Shane did. Except when he landed in the car, he landed on the horn and hurt himself. Then Shane sunroof jumped again. This time running up the windshield and landing in the backseat. Then we watched the videos and left. Although I thought I was going home and they were going home.

Instead, they followed me home. Shane almost missed the exit because he was racing me and Rob couldn't remember if it was the Moscow exit or the Daleville exit they had to get off. So as I started to get off Shane SLAMMED on his breaks and followed me down 690 and up 307 and up to my house. "What the hell?" "You promised up ice cream!" <~~ Shane "Bullshit." So in to the house we went, grabbed some Dove bars out of the freezer and sat out on the patio.

I told them about Jeff, but unfortunately did not tell them EVERYTHING, so really they didn't get the whole picture. I would like to tell them about how he would rap/sing to the songs stuck in his head, and how he made me that watermelon smiley face (I don't know if it has any signifigance anymore but I still like to think that it does)... and now he hardly talks to me and I want to know what the fuck is going on.

Shane gave me a nice explaination about why boys like girls. They like legs and boobs and pussy. They don't care what else is going on inside our minds. But they deal with it to get to the legs and the boobs and the pussy. And that's really how he said it. Also, Rob will find out who Shane lost his virginity to when Rob loses his. Whenever that happens.

So really, I need to sit down with the boys again and tell them EVERYTHING about Jeff. I really do. They said that AT THE LEAST he likes me as a friend. But if he really has a problem, then to tell him that Shane and Rob said I was cool and that he's stupid if he doesn't think so. Hahaha. I love the two of them.

Work today was interesting. It was just me and Chris today. She needs to really get with the program. It took her FOREVER to fill the case while I was putting out all of the jar fruit, and the fruit juice, and the strawberries, etc. I could not believe it. And plus, she didn't even FILL the case as much as Amy and I do and we still get all the fruit done by 11am. Amy and I do in numbers. A lot at a time. She does like 5 of each thing at a time. Tom would FLIP if he saw her at work. I mean, really. But tomorrow its me and Amy... and Tom's working. So it should be an interesting day overall.

<3 Maura
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tears for a boy [Jun. 14th, 2005|12:21 pm]
[Current Mood | crushed]
[Current Music |Dashboard Confessional]

Last night Edgar called. And I spent half an hour on the phone with him. I stared at the clock the entire time. Because when the phone rang, the only person I wanted it to be was Jeff.

I am a horrible person.

As nice as it was to talk to Edgar, as soon as I got off the phone with him (saying I needed to get out of the house because I haven't gone out in a week) I just lost it. I started crying. I don't know why. But for the next hour and a half all I did was cry. It wasn't until nearly 11:30pm that I stopped.

My sinuses are killing me today. Mom slept with the back windows open, and let allergens into the house, making my life today hell. So I am in such a bad mood today I don't think I'll feel better for a while. It's just that bad.

I know I promised myself I would never let myself cry over a guy because they're not worth it. But last night, I snapped. And I don't think I was just crying over Jeff. I think I was crying over the realization from teh coversation I had with Edgar that I will never really be good enough for the people I wish I could be good enough for. And coming to the realization... it just tore my heart out.

My parents aren't helping. My mother thinks I'm depressed. My dad probably agrees with her. For some reason I NEED to take a summer class, but really it's the last thing I want to do. I'm trying to sort out my life and taking a summer class isn't going to help. I won't do good because I'm afraid that I AM depressed. And then my life will be ruined. I don't care if I have to pay for the fall semester. I just want to be happy, working in my crappy job and just doing whatever. Life will suck soon enough in the fall. I've got a lot of stuff on my plate right now. i don't need more. Why can't they understand that??

I wish I could call Jeff and tell him how I feel. I wish I could hang out with him, sit down somewhere with him and just tell him. And right now I don't care how he feels about me. It's just something I need to do. Because knowing that I might just not be good enough for him...

It was that damn watermelon smiley face. I'm telling you. He had me at the watermelon smiley face. And I don't know if he realizes it. I was having such a bad day about a month ago, and Jeff had taken some pieces of watermelon and made them into a smiley face on the cutting board. And I don't know... it was like how in The Broken Hearts Club no one at Dennis' birthday bash remember it's his birthday in any way, and so when Dennis mentions this to Kevin (who is just coming out and becoming comfortable with himself), Kevin finds the birthday candles and lights them, and makes Dennis make a wish. Dennis later falls for Kevin and tells him, "I've been crazy about you ever since you lit the candles. You were the wish."

And its stupid and childish but damnit, WHY WHY WHY WHY can't I just be totally happy for once in my life?? What the hell is wrong with my that there's always one part of my life that is totally and utterly FUCKED UP that I just can't ignore it enough to enjoy the good stuff? Because believe me, I'll be fighting off tears again and again for a while. And you know what? If he hadn't made that smiley face at work... I might have hugged him or who knows. I might have kissed him. But at work I couldn't do something like that.

I just want to tell him how I feel. And there's this REALLY big chance that he won't feel the same. Especially since he's been kind of avoiding me the past couple days when we've both been working. But I really need to call him. I need to see him.

What the hell is wrong with me?

-M

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boys will be boys [Apr. 27th, 2005|08:27 pm]
[Current Mood | contemplative]

Becca and I had a lovely conversation today about Jimmy. He's being a pain in the ass to Becca, saying how he's gonng be a virgin forevre and whatnot. So we were talking about that today, and how he pretty much just has an inabilty to talk to and connect with girls. Mainly because very few girls really give a damn about the inner workings of a 1960 Ford F-100 engine. And I have to agree. It's not because he's ugly, cuz he's rather good looking. It's not his personality, because if you direct him away from his obsession with the trucks, he's pretty cool. It's because he just doesn't know how to act around girls and talk to them. We pretty much agreed that girls love it when guys show sympathy.

Like last weekend, when I was working by myself and Tom was being a dick. David asked if there was anything he could do to make me feel better. I told him no, but really, it's the thought that counts. Jimmy needs to learn how to do that. Usually I'm all smiles and laughs at work. But last weekend, I wasn't. And David noticed. And the fact that he noticed I was having a bad day really made me feel better. Even though I think he himself wasn't having such a great day himself with Tom bossing him around as well. What REALLY made me smile was Monday when he asked about how the rest of my weekend went and if I felt better (happier).

It's really not that hard. Jimmy just has to learn to pay attention sometimes. If he tried a little, he could have a girlfriend. Both of us think so. I mean, I liked him, but he was just a little too involved in the trucks. Now we really don't even talk.

Speaking of David. After work Saturday, Jerry told me that he likes me. Which I could kind of guess from how him asking if there was anything he could do to make me feel better. But I really didn't know how to react because I'd been having such a bad day. I just kind of was like, "what?" So now I kind of just want David to do something if he likes me. It would just be nice, you know?

<3 Maura
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i am a dork [Apr. 21st, 2005|10:18 pm]
[Current Mood | confused]

Okay so I finished watching "Freaks and Geeks" the entire season on DVD. It only took me 26 hours but I did it. That also included sleeping for 5 hours, taking Mrs. Banya shopping for 2 1/2 hours and watching 'The OC' for one hour. So... 26 - 8.5 = 17.5 hours. That's how long it took me to watch 'Freaks and Geeks'.

I AM SUCH A DORK!

Kelly is weird. I mean, I've talked to Thai online a couple times now and she seems really cool. Today we were talking about how she's a pothead (to a certain extent) and how funny we think Rob is as a loud drunk. And I just don't get why she thinks Thai is annoying and high pitched and whatever. I don't know what Thai thinks of me, but she was the one who IMed me first... so it has to mean she doesn't hate me, right? God I'm paranoid.

Plus, Kelly wants us to go to KOP to go shopping and she's actually making a LIST of the stores she wants to go to. Why can't we just walk around the mall? Making a list just ruins the experience. And walking around the mall by myself ruins it too. So really, I don't know what to do.

Work in the morning. Work Saturday. Woo hoo. Concert Sunday. Then work Monday morning. Jeez. I think I want to tell Thai to put together a Get Buzzed Party. LOL. I need it. And you know what? I think she and Shane make a cute couple. They really do. And depending on how good of friends Thai and I become... who knows... maybe I'll really piss Kelly off when I tell her I hung out with Thai. Huh. And when I think about it... now Rob and I just need signifigant otherers and we can all just hang out. LOL. Wouldn't THAT be fun?

Seriously though. Thai is a good addition to the group. As weird as it sounds being that I've only known the boys for 4 months, but really it seems like forever and longer... as Rob said, she's better than Sara. And I really have to agree with that.

<3 Maura
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(no subject) [Apr. 18th, 2005|07:04 pm]
[Current Mood | hungry]
[Current Music |Something Corporate]

Let me just say, right off the bat, that its not fun to get a sandal whipped at you. And when it hits you? Yea, that's even worse. Cuz that's what Shane did when I saw him at the mall Saturday evening (it was around like 7PM). I had shown up at the mall to talk to Rob, so Rob called Shane's cell and told him I was going to "shin kick the hell out of [him]" to which Shane told him that he was going to beat me up. Rob mistook that for "throw up" on me and laughed hysterically. Shane and I tried to shin kick each other and inflict some physical pain on one another, but one of the mall security guards walked by and yelled at us.

So Shane, Rob, Thai and I met up at Perkins Saturday night for some fun. Thai and Shane wrestled in the booth (making Rob and me glad we were in the wayyy back of the place in the corner because they kept lifting the table up), and Shane then got a kick out of taking a million pictures of himself with Thai's camera. At one point, Thai left to go to the bathroom (because Rob and Shane had dared her to drink her entire glass of water in one swift chug) and Shane and I had an ice cube fight. Good thing no one was sitting behind us.

The thing is, I can't figure out why my cousin doesn't like Thai. I mean, she seems really cool. And yea, I was kind of mad that she was included in the little outing, but now that I've gotten to hang out with her for a bit, she seems really cool. It's a little weird, because she's Shane's girlfriend... but I'm trying to get past that. Oh well....

DINNERTIME!!

<3 Maura
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what to do? [Apr. 16th, 2005|03:40 pm]
[Current Mood | giddy]

So there's everything in a nutshell. I really haven't been up to much of anything lately, except hanging out withe my cousin Kelly. I can't wait to start school at Worthington in the fall. Because then maybe at least I'll meet some new guys to hang out with. Because seriously, when you think about it, guys are so much simplier. They are so much easier to understand. They don't mean much of anything. They're so goddam passive its great.

Shane is home this weekend. Rob is doubtful we'll be seeing him. Being that Thai is staying at Keystone instead of going to Philly this weekend (and yes, it has to do with that Shane is coming home this weekend). So whatever. I've known these guys for almost 4 months now. And really, when we hit one year, who knows where the four of us will be?? Sara is out of the picture. No longer part of the group.

Oh well. Here's hoping for some fun tonight!

<3 Maura
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catching up [Apr. 16th, 2005|03:24 pm]
[Current Mood | creative]

I haven't written in a month. Really, I don't know why. I always meant to at least finish about that week that Shane was home from school. I might just cut and paste from what I wrote in my MySpace blog. Yeah, that sounds good.

To pick up where I left off. Sunday morning, after I called Rob and woke him up as asked, I fell back asleep until almost eleven o'clock. Then, just as I was waking up and walking downstairs, my mom tells me that Sara just called. So I waited for my parents to leave and then called her back. We decided to go to the mall because Sara had to go to Eckerd for her um, neck problems, and that way we could just bother Rob cuz he was at work. At the mall, Sara and I thought it would be a cool idea to have a sort of "dinner" with the boys instead of meeting up late at night like we usually do. So we asked Rob, and he was all for it. Then I called Shane, and he wasn't being too enthusiastic about it, so I handed the phone to Rob. Apparently they were supposed to go to White Castle, but because of the night before, it was the last thing that Rob felt like doing. So we all agreed to it, and Sara and I left to go back home. I had chores to do before I would be allowed out of the house anyway.

Fast foreward to me, getting out of the shower around 5:45PM. I didn't even think to check my cell phone to see if I had any missed calls before I left. So of course, when my phone beeps telling me that there's a new voicemail, it scares me half to death. I had a missed call from who else. SHANE. Saying that he had to stay home and eat with his parents. Whatever. I picked Sara up at 6:30PM and off we went to Perkins. Once we got to Perkins, Sara and I called Rob and learned that he was waiting to come until Shane came. But did he bother to call us? NO. So we went to Borders for an hour and Sara saw her boy Eric there. Then we went up to Perkins, got a booth, and sat around for about a half hour before ordering our food. We also took the time to stare at our cute waiter who was working. Sara had pancakes and I (of course) had my belgian waffle.

The boys finally arrived around nine o'clock. Rob sat next to Sara and I got to sit next to Shane. Thus this leaded to hitting between Shane and I which eventually subsided. At one point he got up to go to the bathroom, and I stretched out in the booth. When Shane came back, instead of moving my legs so he could sit down, he just lay in the booth with me. It was kind of nice. We just lay/sat there and I played with his hair. Rob was mad that we had ate without him, but we told him it was his own fault for not calling us and telling us when they were coming. Shane ordered coffee,I got another chocolate milk and Rob ordered some kind of seafood after asking Sara what he should get because he knew she would mooch off of him (although I don't think she did).

I have decided that the next time we all hang out that I am taking their cell phones away from them. The two of them almost need them to survive. It was that crazy. But Sara told me that's crazy because then we wouldn't have gotten to talk to their friend James. LOL. We finished eating and whatever around 10:30PM and like usual Shane and I got into our physical abuse of one another aka shin kicking. Or in his case, whipping his scarf in my face. So I chased him around the parking lot till he lost his balance. Of course, he gave me one swift kick in the shin that bothered me for a while. Then he wouldn't give me a hug before we left, afraid that I'd shin kick him, so we had to pinky swear on it.

Then, Thursday night, I was online and for once, so was Shane. So I IMed him and asked if he and Rob went to White Castle, because they had planned to. But no, they didn't and Shane sounded a little bummed out because he sounded like he really wanted to go. So he calls me on my cell a little later, asking a) what I was doing the next day and if I wanted to go to White Castle, because he really wanted to go b) if I would call Steph and Sara and see if they wanted to come and c) call Rob and do some detective work aka see when he's working. So since Rob wasn't picking up his phone, and Sara and Steph couldn't come, Shane and I planned to meet at the mall at 2:00PM today to head to White Castle.

I woke up this morning and it was snowing outside. Yes. SNOW. So I slept till almost 12PM, then took a shower, and shoveled the driveway. Mom was getting a little annoying, saying she might now let me go to White Castle seeing as she didn't know Shane, but I talked her into it. So I quickly ran up to the bank for her (since she's sick and I'm a good daughter) and then headed to the mall to meet Shane. Since he didn't show up till 2:30 or so, I hung out with Rob at the Hut and watched and listened to him play his PS2. Then when Shane came, we left soon afterward, because it was only the second time I've seen or heard it very quiet between the two of them. So I let that go until we got in the car.

Apparently he slept with a girl that Rob likes. And he's rather torn over the entire thing. At least, that's how it sounded to me. I really didn't know what to tell him. I mean, he's the male slut. He's the womanizer. I'm the virgin. I'm really not the once to ask about things like that.

It took us 1 hr and 45 mins to get down to White Castle. Shane ordered 10 burgers and 2 fries, and I had 4 burgers and fries. Of course seeing as how this is such a big event, Shane had to take a picture of me eating my first burger. Whatever. He could only eat 8 of his burgers, and tried to force one of them on me, but HA. I wouldn't eat it. So he called Rob and Jerry and we got Jerry a 10 burgers and fries to go. And then double bagged them, and stuck them under Shane's coats to keep them warm during the 2 hr car ride home. It took longer because of traffic that we hit around 5:30. Yuck yuck yuck.

We pulled into the mall parking lot at 7:05, exactly 2 hrs after we left White Castle. Cool, huh? Shane delivered Jerry his burgers, and I talked to Rob. Then Rob started laughing because it's Lent and Jerry isn't supposed to eat meat on Friday, but he ate some anyway and now he's going to hell. Haha. I was supposed to be home at 8PM but I stayed at the mall till 8:30 talking and wandering the mall with Shane. That was fun. The mall was full of teeny boppers and prosti-tots. Many of whom liked to oogle at Shane. Haha.

So Saturday night, Sara and I were online, and neither of us wanted to stay home cuz it was a Saturday night, and Sara didn't have work the next day. I had to take Ian to Best Buy after dinner so I called her and invited her along. We dropped Ian off and headed up to the mall to check and see if Rob was working since he wasn't answering his phone. But when we got up there we saw that no, he wasn't working and headed back down to Best Buy to oogle at any of the cute boys down there. We dropped Ian off back home after that and headed down to East Mtn. because I needed gas. On our way we called Shane, who was hanging out with Sara from KB. So he didn't know if we would do anything or not. I put gas in my car and Sara called Rob, but he was feeling like crap because he's getting sick. So we went to Borders, hoping for some cute boys there.

We wandered around for a while, looking at movies, and the young adult books before I finally decided to buy 'The Notebook' on DVD and 'Sexy' by Joyce Carol Oates. Then, as we're waiting in line, my cell phone rings. It's Shane. He's up for doing something. He apparently got bored with Sara from KB very quickly. So we agree to meet at his house, hanging out, drinking, going in the hot tub, whatever.

First we drive to Sara's house, and get her stuff. She tells her parents she's staying over my house. Then we go to my house and get my parents to think I'm staying over Sara's house. I do a search for my bathing suit (and note that I really need a new one because I bought it just because I was being forced to go to the beach for 3 days w/ my family last summer), then we stick the case of Smirnoff's in the trunk of my car and head off to Shane's house.We got there at 12:30 and head inside. Rob is lying comfortably on the couch, watching TV ('The Chappelle Show'). So we all sit down and watch TV for a while. And before we know it, Shane is mixing drinks and the rest of us are drinking Smirnoff's. Between the three of us, we finished off 8 Smirnoff's plus one opened one that Sara didn't finish. Sara and Rob were on the couch, Sara playing with Rob's hair and Rob just slowly slowly falling asleep because of it. I was on the floor on my back with my head on the pillows. Then probably around 2AM, Shane puts in POWER RANGERS:THE MOVIE. And by maybe a half hour into the movie, Shane looks over at Rob and Sara on the couch, and they're making out. So he looks at me and goes, "Let's go in the hot tub!"

We must have been in the hot tub for an hour. By the time we went in, I'd only had 2 Smirnoff's but also sips of whatever Shane was mixing. So the water in the hot tub just made me tired. But we let Rob and Sara have their privacy to make out and just sat in the hot tub and talked. When we got out of the hot tub, Shane went and gave them a two minute warning. Sara sounded rather disappointed that she didn't get to go in the hot tub, and I thought it was pretty funny considering she had been looking forward to it more than I had been. Rob and Sara disappeared when Shane and I came back and re-appeared a few minutes later. Shane put down the couch cushions from the closet w/ sleeping bags for me and him and Rob and Sara stuck to the couch. Or should I say, Shane didn't have any more souch cushions for them so they were stuck.

Pillow fight. Or should I say that I took my pillow and hit Shane in the head. And he took his pillow and sleeping bag to keep me from doing it again. Then, I was all ready to go to sleep, and Rob and Shane were saying something to one another and Rob went to me, "Maura, hit him." I was so comfy I really didn't want to move. "Do you want me to?" "Yes!" "Are you sure?" "Yes!" So I took my pillow and hit Shane with it and we just started to beat each other up. But it was so dark in the room that Rob and Sara couldn't see what was going on. I ended up under Shane's legs on my stomach but managed to turn around on my back. We didn't stay that way for long though and I went back to my cushions and sleeping bag.

I didn't sleep that much. I saw Sara fall off the couch around 8AM, and she came over and we shared my sleeping bag as a blanket. But when the alarm clock went off at 8:30 it was like AHHH! TURN IT OFF!! Shane saw me and Sara and made fun of us, of course. When we finally woke up about ten minutes later, I actually felt awake even though I maybe got and hour or two of sleep. The pillow fight/wrestling with Shane zapped me out of the sleepiness I had been in after getting out of the hot tub. As we were all getting ready to go, Shane put all the empty Smirnoff bottles in the case and said to the rest of us that we were "cheap dates" which was kind of funny. We got all of our stuff together, Shane stuck the case of Smirnoff's back in my trunk, we all hugged good-bye (I heard some whines of shin kicking from a certain someone) and parted ways.

I dropped Sara off and got home around 9:30AM. Mom was around and asked why I was home so early (I totally covered by saying that the last time I stayed at Sara's he got mad that I came home too late) and then I just passed out on my bed.
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(no subject) [Mar. 7th, 2005|09:11 pm]
[Current Mood | happy]

First off let me just say... when Rob is drunk he is hilarious.

Backtracking to Saturday night... Sara and I got this great idea to go to Perkins around 11PM and so off we went. When we got there, it was crowded as hell, and Sara and I got the idea to call Rob and Shane and see what they were up to. Turns out, they were at a party in Scranton. So off we went on a great wild goose chase to find this house in the hills by the U. We must have called Shane's phone 5 times because we couldn't find the house. Eventually we did, and saw Shane standing on the porch, waving his arms and yelling at me on the phone about how it was so cold outside. "Find the way to the basement. It's cold!"

We found a parking spot and walked down the hill to the house and found everyone in the basement. Rob saw us and stumbled over, and Shane followed closely behind with a look that said, "Oh good, some sober people." Rob threw his arms around us, "HEYYY MAURA! HEYYY SARA!" I looked at Shane who looked like he'd seen Rob like this enough. We were introduced to a the girls there, who were all sitting on the couch, and Rob stumbled over, "You want a beer? I'll GET you a beer." Sara and I left after Rob got us our alcohol to call our parents saying we were sleeping over one another's house. And of course, Shane has a thing for slapping certain girls asses, and so I got one as we walked back upstairs.

Then it was back downstairs where Rob was drunk enough to admit that yes, he is a ladies man. I yelled at him because he is always saying that he isn't, but that was proof. One of the girls, Alex, knew Sara's boy Eric (the one she met at the mall) and wanted to see Sara's MCR tattooes. This happened as me and Sara were sitting on Rob's lap and Shane took a picture with his cell phone. A bunch of the girls had to leave a little after that, and we all went upstairs. Well, everyone disappeared at first, and Rob, Sara and I were sitting there, and Rob noticed and yelled, "Where'd everyone go?!"

Upstairs, everyone kind of stood around, doing whatever, watching TV in the living room where the furniture was in the kitchen so you either had to stand or sit on the stairs because the floor wasn't looking too good. I guess Shane was the Designated Driver to drive a couple of the girls home around 1AM. Sara and I sat down on the stairs, and listened to numerous conversations and to most of the stuff Rob was saying. At one point Shane came over and sat down with us, cuz by that time both of us had only had one beer, so we weren't feeling anything. Then Sara started in on her second... third... and forth beers. I didn't finish my second.

Unfortunately, one of the girls Shane was supposed to drive home, Adrienne, was upstairs with Tim, so Shane was driving around waiting for her. When she was ready, he wasn't out there, and when he returned around 2AM, she was back upstairs with Tim. So he was trying to get her to leave, and at that moment, some of Tim's housemates came home and one of them demanded to know who Shane was, and that he had to leave. Shane tried to tell him that he was waiting for Adrienne because he had to drive her home, and instead the guy came after him. I didn't even see anything because the fight or whatever it was, happened at the top of the stairs. But Shane ended up with a split lip and left the house as fast as he could.

Rob sobered up pretty fast after that. The three of us (me, Rob, Sara) walked outside and Tim followed us, wondering where Shane was so he could apologize. At first, Rob was claiming he could drive, but none of us would let him. We went back inside and upstairs to Tim's room where Adrienne sent Rob some texts on his cell, and Shane called my phone, wondering who was driving, and who was staying and just making sure we were all okay. I handed the phone to Rob, and after he said something, he said that Shane hung up on him. Apparently he is completely blaming Adrienne for the fight. And instead of coming back to the party, as he had originally planned, he was just gonna go home for the night. I don't blame him.

My 'madre' ruined my night by calling my cell aorund 2:45AM wondering what the hell was going on. So I had to leave. There was no way I could stay over with her acting the way she was. I really didn't want to drive because I didn't feel all that much better, but I had to. She was forcing me to. So I left Sara there with Rob (who promised to drive her home in the morning) and went home. Halfway up 307 I realized that Sara's purse was in my car. I called back and Rob told me to call his cell and wake him up at 8:30AM.

I walked into my house at 3AM and fell asleep after setting my alarm for 8:30AM. But instead I woke up at 8AM and lay in bed until 8:30 when I called Rob's phone and woke him up. Then I turned over and went back to sleep. I woke up around 11AM and came downstairs where mom told me Sara had just called. My parents left and I left after them and picked up Sara so we could go to the mall. She needed to go to Eckered and get concealer.

So we showed up at the mall and Rob couldn't believe what he'd done to Sara's neck. He was absolutely amazed and in awe. He also thought it was pretty funny. I told Sara he needed to get hit but turns out she bit him anyway. Rob and Shane were supposed to go to White Castle yesterday but it was the last thing Rob felt like. So instead we decided to go to Perkins for dinner. So I called Shane, and Rob convinced him to come, because when I asked, Shane wasn't too sure about it.

Skip to Sara and I showing up at Perkins at 6:45PM. Shane had already called my cell and said that he had to stay home (his mom was having a dinner party) but could go out probably after 8. Then we called Rob, who said that he was waiting for Shane. So Sara and I went to Borders, where I bought 'To Have and To Hold' and 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' and Sara saw Eric. So then off we went to Perkins.

The boys didn't show up until almost nine o'clock. And by that time Sara and I had already eaten our dinner (belgian waffle for me, pancakes for her).

Ahhhhh... I have to get off. More later.

<3 Maura
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*tears in my eyes* [Mar. 2nd, 2005|12:00 am]
[Current Mood | sad]

Well, my life sucks. It's official. Right now my face looks like I just constantly break out w/ acne all the fucking time. My attitude right now sucks. And I don't know how I feel about people in general right now.

I think Sara is mad at me because I won't go to Geoff's radio show with her tomorrow night. My reason? I'm through stressing my mom out for a while. Plus, we were supposed to go shopping tomorrow because its her day off and now she doesn't want to. Instead she's just go to "relax" or whatever. Steph is wayy too busy with work and school to hang out, and I know Rob. He won't hang out with me when it's just me. But I might go see if he's working tomorrow because I need to talk to him.

So I'm actually thinking of calling Liz. Because I need to do something fun. And I IMed Shane and wow. Did he read my blog? And if he did I really didn't think he'd take it to heart. But whatever. He's coming home for spring break and we'll all probably hang out. Plus, if he and Rob are doing their White Castle thing, I would love to go. I just don't know if Shane is mad at me. So much for personality, right?

I've figured out my "plan" and I have to discuss it with my parents. I want to go to PSU-Worthington for 2 years, get my Associate's Degree in Architectural Engineering Technology and then decide on what school I want to go to for Architecture. So we'll see how that goes.

That's all for tonight. I have people mad at me for no reason. I really have no one to talk to right now and it's kind of depresseing. My parents are even being pains about my life. Ugh.

I just wish I had someone who would just take my mind off of all of this for a little while and make me feel better. Because believe me, I've tried to make myself feel better. It doesn't work. In fact, I feel worse than I did before.

<3 Maura
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(no subject) [Feb. 24th, 2005|10:57 am]
I believe that Rob and Shane have a dynamic, and if one of them is missing, then the whole thing is ruined and as indiviuals they suck. I mean, without Shane here for the past month, it's been okay, hanging out with just Rob... but now it's starting to suck.

Sara is mad that Rob won't drive the extra 15 mins to my house for Movie Night. I know that he's extremely passive and doesn't care... but still. A little effort never hurt anyone. And he doesn't realize how sad/mad he's making Sara by saying these things. And never putting any effort into hanging out. I just don't get it.

Unless he's sick of us.

Last night Rob said he was talking to Shane and the douche mentioned that he was thinking of coming back up here for college. Now really, what is up with that? I mean, of course I miss the douchebag... but seriously. Just the other night at Perkins Rob was telling us that Shane was getting an apartment and wasn't coming back here this summer. I'd sure as hell like to know what the fuck is going on.

So anyway... I'm over my sickness. I'm all better now.

<3 Maura
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Ugly duckling [Feb. 20th, 2005|11:13 pm]
[Current Mood | hopeful]
[Current Music |The OC Mix]

Tonight I came to the realization that I am an ugly duckling with many pretty friends.

I'm finally getting my wits back after being sick for a week. Because for that entire time, my brain was nothing but mush and I couldn't think straight. Now I am almost fully recovered and I will go back to being the third wheel, and being ignored.

It almost makes me want to stop calling people. Stop trying to be a nice person. Stop trying to just be social in general. And perhaps try and find out what is making me so different from everyone else.

Am I just totally wasting my time?

Never in my entire life did I think anything like this of myself. Never getting asked to Prom or to the Semi or to Homecoming never bothered me. Of course I wished it, but it never really bothered me. Not being able to go to my own Senior Prom didn't bother me at all. In fact, I'm still glad I didn't go.

So here I am. Obviously I am totally hopeless. But no one knows what REALLY bothers me deep down. And I guess that may be part of my problem. That I don't REALLY open up when I should.

But I definetely put it best in my last entry. I love my friends and they are more than I could ask for. But I need something more than that. I've been single for too long.

I miss kissing. I miss cuddling. I miss that feeling when you've looked away and that person's gaze is fixed upon you, because they love to just look at you. I miss late night phone calls that are made for no reason at all. I miss being able to wake up in the morning and think about that ONE person who when I think of them, will always put a smile on my face.

I want someone who will play with my hair. I want someone who will deal with my mother enough to want to be with me. I want someone who I can talk about books with. I want someone who will appreciate me for me. And someone who will just be themselves.

Wow. That felt wonderful.

<3 Maura

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the third wheel [Feb. 14th, 2005|11:55 pm]
[Current Mood | lonely]

I hate being the third wheel.

I hate being the girl that guys just like as a friend. I hate being the girl who guys go to for advice. I hope Becca is right. That one day I won't have to deal with all of this and I'll be going to someone else for advice. I know it will come one day but for now, I am involved in a big fucking shape of unrequieted love.

Shane likes Steph and Nya.
I like Shane.
Rob likes Sara.
Steph and Nya think Shane is cute.
Steph also thinks Shane is "void of personality."

See what I am dealing with? I am kind of sick of it. I just want someone to pay attention to ME for once. I know its completely selfish, but seriously, when you see all of that going on, how can you NOT think that??

I miss cuddling and kissing. I miss being admired. I miss having someone to talk to on the phone late at night. Someone to say "I love you" to would just be absolutely wonderful. I want someone to tell me I am beautiful and mean it. And I want someone that will like me for me. And not just as a friend.

Am I asking for too much??

<3 Maura
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dreams [Jan. 30th, 2005|11:08 pm]
[Current Mood | mellow]
[Current Music |something corporate]

Friday night I had the weirdest dream. I was home, and my dad had someone over, a client I guess. And with them was their son, who was my age. And somehow we knew eachother, and went right upstairs to my room.

I DON'T KNOW WHO HE WAS.

So here I am, having this dream about liking this guy I don't know. I mean, when I woke up I was freaking out. How do you respond to something like that?? My subconcious is REALLY fucking with me.

Another short entry because really, there is nothing to say.

-M
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no HEART no HURT [Jan. 26th, 2005|11:04 pm]
[Current Mood | determined]
[Current Music |Straylight Run]

Last night I slept over Sara's house. We listened to some music, watching her NC-17 version of The Dreamers and I told her what the differences are between my theatrical version and hers. Not much I'll tell you. Not much at all. Just longer scenes of male nudity and a longer sex scene and I think that about does it. While I was watching that Sara was on the computer talking to Brandon and staring at one of the pictures she had of him that he'd sent her. And really, we were both staring at it because he is such a pretty boy.

After the movie, we watched 'Degrassi' and then went to bed. We didn't wake up until eleven and sat in her room and talked about random stuff for a couple hours before I finally left at two o'clock. I had to clean off my car because it was COVERED in snow from the night before. And then my car almost got stuck in her driveway, which would have REALLY sucked. But alas, it got out and I went home.

Once at home, I went online, filled out an application for Best Buy, organized mom's card box and washed the dishes. I really did nothing interesting today and actually, I have no idea why I am writing this entry.

Oh yes.

I have a crush on Shane. And I will not get my HEART involved or my HOPES up. That is the last thing I need right now. My whole family put our hearts on the line and we kept our hopes up for almost a week that Karen would wake up and now look where we are. Plus, I'm not that typical beauty that guys like Shane go for. So there is no reason for me to even get my hopes up. I don't even know why I like him at all. Because in the end he's either going to break my heart or nothing will ever happen and he will be yet another "guy I liked but did nothing about"

Oh, and Rob knows I like Shane. Isn't that fucking great? Which means that if Rob knows then Shane has to know. Because I mean, those two are so close its insane. What DON'T they tell each other or do for each other? If Rob hasn't told Shane, then I would be really surprised. But seriously, Rob should know that I'm not the kind of girl Shane likes and be done with it. Tell me I'm not his type. Get it over with. And I'm not even going to get into HOW Rob knows right now.

-M

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fucking with my mind [Jan. 24th, 2005|02:03 am]
[Current Mood | confused]
[Current Music |Straylight Run]

That boy really knows how to fuck with someone. I mean, seriously, tonight I couldn't even talk to him after a certain point. But tonight's conversation did show me one thing. Every time I talk to him he just shows me more and more evidence that leads to believe he is a Marcus Flutie.

Like tonight. The last two times we've talked online he's bitched and moaned about Chinese food. So tonight I asked him if he got any yet. Of course the answer was no. Because he won't spend his own money on stuff like that. Fuck it. Here's the important part of the conversation:

Seraphic Loki (1:00:51 AM): i wqill just crave chinese till someone pays for me
ShakinAtreyu7 (1:01:08 AM): and how long will that take?
Seraphic Loki (1:01:46 AM): till i find some rich girl to have sex with and she pays for my shit

What was I supposed to say to that?? I really had no idea. I just started laughing. I told him "good luck with that" and "lmao" and didn't speak to him again. Then I told Sara that I was thinking about telling him I would buy him Chinese when Steph and I decide to take our little road trip down to Philly, but I restrained myself. The boy is Marcus Flutie through and through. He uses sex to get to the girl to get her to pay for him because he doesn't want to spend money on himself. Let me find what I said to Sara.

ShakinAtreyu7 (1:08:39 AM): i don't even know how to continue talking to him via IM now... that freak
ShakinAtreyu7 (1:09:56 AM): i was gonna tell him that if he never got it by the time i see him next i'd buy it for him but now forget that
MorbidRomantic13 (1:10:44 AM): yea. just forget it. he might try to repay you back with sex.
ShakinAtreyu7 (1:12:45 AM): haha... i can't stop thinking about the simliarities between him and marcus flutie from the book "sloppy firsts"...
ShakinAtreyu7 (1:13:59 AM): except it would be more like, "no thank you shane... i've only known you four weeks and have no intentions of letting you devirginize me"
MorbidRomantic13 (1:14:26 AM): haha. devirginize is a fun word.

And I'm serious. If this was face-to-face I would tell him, "Sorry Shane, I'll buy your food but I don't know if I'm up for letting you devirginize me." And seriously, it's true. He can go find some rich slutty girl to fuck, one that will buy him shit and he can be happy with for that minimal time. That's why he knows so many girls. Because he fucks them, there's no real relationship or feelings for them, and then he moves on to the next girl. Because what girl wouldn't want to fuck the blonde hair blue eyed boy?

OMG. I think I just said he is Marcus Flutie. What am I doing to myself?? Marcus Flutie is supposed to be the PERFECT GUY. And I am starting to sound a lot like Jessica Darling. Because I'm just as confused as she was. Except I haven't found MY Marcus Flutie yet. I've got to stop. Really. I'm going to kill myself if I keep typing.

-M

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social outcast AND a freak [Jan. 23rd, 2005|12:21 am]
[Current Mood | blah]
[Current Music |Hawthorne Heights]

I have come to the conclusion that the boy is fucking with my mind. I mean, I was reading Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings today and I started thinking of Rob and Shane. Then that hug that Shane gave me a while back came to mind when I got to the part in SH where Marcus and Jess kiss at Gladdie's wake. And you know what? It started to freak me out. I really started to freak out because I can still FEEL that hug. And I wonder why I was so completely shocked by it. And I realized that he must REALLY think I'm a freak because I didn't want to stand still after he wrapped his arms around me. But I really couldn't help it.

And then I started analyzing my life against Jess Darlings and I really started to freak myself out. I mean, I finally figured out that Jess's birthday is the day after mine. Scary. And I worry too much about certain things, and sometimes I even lose sleep over it. After Becca moved away, I thought my life was over and that the rest of high school would totally sucked. But it only half sucked because senior year wasn't THAT bad. Junior year was hell. And now I'm back home and I'm happy. I'm spoiled, my parents love me, and really, that's all I need right now. I realized that I DIDN'T want to be away from home for so long. And it was a scary thought for me. But then we come to the topic of boys.

Yes, it needs a new paragraph for emphasis. Throughout the whole two books Jess complained how she was going to die a virgin because she was a freak and a social outcast. But instead, at the end of Second Helpings she finally realized what was going on and Marcus devirginized her. I've gone through two years of high school (I didn't go to my own Senior Prom because personally, there was no one to go with and no one asked me) and a semester in college and NADA. And I'm beginning to think that I'm a social outcast and a freak.

Anyone disagree??

-M

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sadness [Jan. 18th, 2005|02:47 am]
[Current Mood | sad]

This is not what I meant when I said I want something interesting to happen in my life. THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT. I DID NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. SOMETHING LIKE THIS DIDN'T EVEN CROSS MY MIND.

Mom and I drove to Maryland Friday and went to the hospital that night to see Aunt Karen. She was breathing on her own, but it wasn't looking good. The doctors had told Michael that there was only a 2% chance of her pulling out of it. And of course, the odds were against us.

I stayed home at the house all of Saturday because someone had to be there when the catered food came. But everyone got back from the hospital around 5PM. My mom walked in the door, grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs and told me that around 4 o'clock that afternoon Karen had stopped breathing. She took my cell phone and called dad. I just sat there in shock. I didn't know what to do.

The wake is Thursday and the funeral is Friday. I don't believe any of it has happened yet. Kind of like when Babci died. But this is different. Because what about Michael?? I don't think it's sunk in for him yet.

Saturday night was so weird. I don't even know how to describe it. And I don't know how I'm supposed to tell my friends that I have a funeral and a wake to go to. I just couldn't do it tonight.

-M
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upsidedown world [Jan. 12th, 2005|01:50 am]
[Current Mood | worried]

My world is turning upside down and crashing down on top of me. I can't do anything but watch helplessly. My parents don't understand me. But they don't care to know me. I'm a FAILURE in their eyes. Well, I will be when my grades come from school. If they ever come. And I don't care. Because that place made me a sad, depressed, angry person. Someone I was back during 8th and 9th grade and someone I never wanted to be again. But I went to college and that person came back. Getting a job scares me but not as much as hitting that rock bottom I hit five years ago.

 

Last night Aunt Gerry called and dad talked to her for a moment before he came into the kitchen and whisked mom into the dining room. Yesterday Michael came home from school and found Karen passed out on the bathroom floor. Now she's in the hospital on a respirator and the doctors don't know when she'll wake up. The stroke occurred in the back part of her brain that controls whether you're awake or asleep. So all we can really do is wait. Mom wants to go down to Maryland on Friday, and I'm supposed to go with her. Grandma and grandpa and Sandy are all staying at Karen's house and Michael is at Dave's house.

 

Last night I was online and was talking to Steph, Sara and Rob via AIM. I wrote an entry in my MySpace blog about everything, which helped because I didn't have to explain much to Rob. But he's such an awesome guy that he said he and Shane are there to "pump my face so full of smiles that a clown would be jealous and rightfully freaked" which made me laugh. It also made me happy to see that Rob actually reads my blog entries. Because I didn't think anyone read them except Jimmy. But thank god he didn't read them because I really didn't feel like talking to him much last night.

 

The only thing is, since mom and I might go down on Friday, and I don't know how long we'll be there for, Thursday might be the last time I get to see Shane before he goes away to school. But if I don't go back to school, it will be easier for me, Rob, Steph and Sara to coordinate a trip down there to visit him some random weekend. Plus, I think I'll be a bit happier knowing I have lots of people here to hang out with then what I have at school, which is almost nothing. Oh wait, it is NO ONE.

 

So besides my parents giving me hell about how much I have screwed up my future, at least I'll be happy. I'll hate working but at least I'll have money. And at least my mother won't be bugging me endlessly about me having money. And at least I'll be able to go out on the weekends and at night and do stuff I enjoy. Because clubbing is not my idea of fun. Bowling, eating at Perkins, an evening at Borders… those are my ideas of fun. I want my mail with my name on it to be mine again. Because right now my parents open everything of mine.

 

I don't care if I'm not following their master plans for my education. But those plans made me depressed and they don't understand that. They didn't understand that meeting Becca freshmen year changed my life because we were just so good for each other. I know I'm disappointing them, but at this point in my life I would rather be happy. Let me explore my options. Architecture is the only thing I've ever looked into and I think that was a mistake. I should have had a back up plan. Because not having one has really killed me.

 

Oh. My. God. Looking at the first entry in this journal, I've come across something I wrote that just momentarily freaked me out. I wrote, "Sometimes I wish there was something interesting in my life to write about." And after that I go into how I want a boyfriend and everything, but that statement could be taken one of many different ways. And of course, that entry was two nights after I met Shane and Rob. And here I am, two weeks after that entry, hoping that my Aunt Karen wakes up from her state of unconsciousness. Of course interesting stuff has happened in my life. I met Shane and Rob, two guys who only two weeks ago were total strangers and now I can say are friends.  I still don't know how I feel about telling Shane certain things, but letting Rob know about what was going on in my life really helped.

 

I have an idea that the boys might not like because it would require getting up early and that is so not what they are about. Like I said in an earlier entry… why not take the boys to the Cabin Café for breakfast?? I mean, it would mean so much to me if they could just have a sort of "good-bye" breakfast with us if I'm going to stay in Maryland for more than a day, which would mean I probably wouldn't get to see Shane again till some random weekend for a holiday.

 

That's all I'm gonna write for today. My world is a mess.

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i love "da boys" [Jan. 9th, 2005|01:34 am]
[Current Mood | chipper]

I wrote this entry earlier so its just copied and pasted from my other journal with minor adjustments...

Last was AWESOME!!! I've never had to much so much fun in one night. I've also never been more confused by a guy. But can you blame me? I haven't had a boyfriend since 9th grade. And I've never had the whole a guy likes you, flirt with him, go out with him kind of boyfriend. So I better just go through the whole night.

Steph and I got to the Viewmont Mall around 8:50PM and bothered Rob for a bit while he closed up his Sunglass Hut, and then took a walk with him down to the deposit box by the bank in the food court. On the walk to the bank, Steph mentioned to Rob that I was bolegged. So I showed him to which he replied, "That's ostrich-legged!" But he thought it was pretty cool anyways.

While we were walking back to Rob's kiosk Shane attacked Rob. Then Shane disappeared again and Rob went to talk to his friends who worked at KB Toys. Steph and I were sick of sitting on the bench with Shane's jacket so we went to see who Rob was talking to. I don't know exactly what happened but Rob told us that two of their friends were joining us for pizza. I feel horrible because I can't remember their names.

I have to back track a bit. On Shane's profile for MySpace under his status, he has "in a relationship" and Steph and I were curious as to what that was all about. So Steph slyly brought it up with Rob at his KIOSK. And funny, Rob was thinking the same thing, because the two of them are likethis. There was of course, some joke that yes, the relationship was just Shane and Rob… but Rob wouldn't have any of it. And of course, there's no girlfriend because Rob would know.

So anyway, Steph made some short person joke about one of their friends because he is short. And it was so funny because she caught herself halfway through it and tried to save herself but Rob knew what she was saying and started doing this hand motion she had made. It was the one someone makes indicating someone is shorter than them, but she had pulled her hand back and ran it through her hair. It was quite funny because Rob wouldn't let Steph live it down for a while.

Shane passed Main Street where the pizza place was, and made a turn back that wasn't legal. Shane & Rob's friend almost caused an accident trying to follow us in the illegal turn, which was kind of funny in the end. But we eventually found the pizza place. And all I have to say is that there is not much to say about what happened there besides the fact that we left the waitress a $17 tip. On a $42 bill. Crazy, huh??

Anyway, after pizza it was back to the parking lot at the mall. Shane did some crazy turns around the parking lot, around my car, passed by Rob's car and then back to my car. At that point, as Shane was driving through the parking lot Rob yelled, "It's a Bug! No one up for punch bug?" And then suddenly Steph and leaped forward to hit the boys. I hit Rob first and then hit Shane. "What was that for?!" Rob screamed. "I got punched!"

So anyway, we were standing around in the parking lot between my car and Shane's car, just joking around, talking, having fun, whatever. Rob had bought Shane a wool sweater at Gap (they buy each other clothes… isnt' that cute??) and since Shane's hands were cold, he looked for pockets to put his hands in and screamed at Rob, "There are no pockets!" Which Rob found quite funny. At one point, for no reason at all, while Steph and Rob were having some verbal argument about something or other, and Shane looked at me, walked over to me, and threw his arms around me in a hug. And we just kind of stayed that way for a while. It really caught me by surprise, because I had no idea what to do. But I really hope he does it again next time we go out because I just might kiss him.

Then, out of NOWHERE Rob decides to jump in the snow/ice. Just for the hell of it. Or actually, I think Steph told him to "go play in the snow" but whatever. So then all of a sudden Shane picks me up and carries me (over his shoulders) over to the snow/ice. And I knew that he wasn't getting away with it, so I pulled him down into the snow/ice with me. He didn't think I would but HA! And then both Shane and Rob chased Steph and lightly dropped her into the snow/ice.

And then, because Steph and Rob are so good at bickering, and Shane and I are good at watching them bicker, Shane and I were standing next to each other, and all of a sudden Shane just hip thrusts me and I went flying because I didn't know he was gonna do it. So we just kind of did that pushing back and forth thing between us with our sides, until I think I pulled something because if I turn my right leg a certain way I get this really sharp pain. But I'm really not mad at him because he's awesome.

It was only 11:30PM and Steph and I didn't want to go home, but she was saying something about how they looked how they wanted to go, and we should just leave, which I couldn't do because no good-byes were exchanged. So since Steph was so cold and said she wanted tea or something, and I wanted coffee, we decided to go up to Perkins. Into the cars we went (Shane drove him and Rob; I drove me and Steph) and raced up to Perkins. We beat them up to the parking lot but not into the restaurant. Big deal.

The hostess was originally gonna sit us at a table, but Steph asked for a booth (because booths are better) and Steph and I picked sides to sit down on (Shane wasn't there but was in the bathroom). Then, for some reason Rob sat down next to me, to which Steph said she had to pee and asked me if I wanted to come. So I went with her. And being the crazy girl she is, kicked open the door of the guy's restroom before we went into the womens. Then, OUT OF NOWHERE Shane walks into the women's restroom more of less just of the hell of it, and to annoy us. Steph and I tried to push him out, but he just push us back.

I left the bathroom w/o Steph and walked back to the table. Shane and Rob were sitting on the outside of both sides. So I stood there and I looked at them, "Someone has to let me in." And who was the first one to stand up? Shane. So when Steph came back she had quite the smile on her face to see me and Shane sitting together. Rob took the opportunity to notice, "Oh, you just switched sides."

Shane and I ordered coffee, Steph ordered hot tea and Rob got chocolate milk and a chocolate chip cookie. And that is all we ordered. When all of the stuff came, I of course, made fun of Rob and his CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE AND CHOCOLATE MILK. And then, Shane and I were mixing our coffees with whatever we wanted in them (me- just cream; Shane- cream and sugar) he put in the cream and then tried to reach over me for the sugar, but didn't want to be rude or whatever. So he reached, then pulled his hand back, and leaned his head on it and looked at me with this innocent look and asked, "Can I have the sugar?"

We sat there for an hour, talking and poking fun at everyone, everything and anything. At one point I just started playing with Shane's hair because it's fun. He had gel in it last night, which made it not so fun, but still enjoyable. And he enjoyed it so much that he leaned his head down to the right so I could play with it some more. Then, he started putting his arm behind me on the back of the booth. Once he let it slip and land on my back (it was no accident I tell you) and another time he started playing with my hair, which I know neither Steph or Rob saw. It all kind of took me by surprise.

You know Shane likes to read? Yea. Right now he claims to be reading "Fight Club" which I want to read. And I think books and movies are all we have in common. Which is good, because it gives us something in common but not too much (think Anna and Seth from 'The OC' and how Seth questioned if he was dating the female version of himself). I have to try and get them to invite back to Shane's house or to Rob's house so we can watch 'Better Off Dead' because it is one John Cusack movie I have not seen. And I <3 John Cusack. And apparently Rob knows that girls LOVE LOVE LOVE John Cusack .Haha. And the best part? On Shane's MySpace under his favorite movies… is 'A Walk To Remember'. And I have to remember to ask him about it.

Anyway, so we finally got around to paying the bill and leaving the restaurant. And once again, it wasn't a real good-bye. And I can't stand good-byes without hugs. I mean it. Like if I hung out with Nina, we'd hug at the end of the night. So I didn't want to leave yet. So we got in my car and as Shane and Rob were walking back to Shane's car, and I drove by them in the parking lot. Shane, being the crazy fool he is, got a running start, then jumped onto my car and came in via the sunroof. Now, he came in right on Steph because I was driving. The way he was sitting/laying or whatever on top of Steph looked uncomfortable because his head was jammed up against my seat so I just kind of looked at him and put his head down on my lap. But then, after I pulled the car over, Rob followed suit and jumped into the car via the sunroof. Except Rob managed to turn on the windshield wipers, turn off the CD player, turn on the AC and honk the horn. It was quite funny. So I got out of the car and Shane was the first one out on the other side, so we stood there laughing. Rob joined us, and Steph didn't move from the front seat.

"Well, now that we've done THAT…" Rob laughed and I looked at Shane. We said our good-byes, I hugged Shane first (man, I love hugging him) and then Rob. Then Steph and I left. And Steph and I started to talk about how much Shane must like me… but I'm still skeptical. Steph, Sara, Fletcher, Becca and Kristen are all saying the same thing. So I really don't know what to do. For me, I just want to ask Rob if Shane is always that touchy and whatever with girls. But we're all going to the movies tomorrow night so we'll see if it really is third times a charm (because the first time we met them doesn't count... they were total strangers at the time). I want him to hug me like that again so maybe just MAYBE I can kiss him.

-M
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(no subject) [Jan. 7th, 2005|03:17 am]
[Current Mood | contemplative]
[Current Music |Josh Groban]

His MySpace says his status is "in a relationship"... what is that supposed to mean? Last night it said "swinger" and now he's taken? I really don't know what to think. Steph and I were talking about it, and I mean, either its a big joke because he doesn't want girls all over him or he's hiding something. But then why did he act the way he did on Sunday night? I mean, Rob didn't act like that to me. So there's something more going on then he's letting on.

In my perfect fairy tale world it would be because he does like me. But this is reality. And in the real world, for some reason, boys don't throw themselves at me like that. So I don't have my pick of the litter. I usually take what I can get.

So when Steph said that she thinks Shane likes me... well... I really didn't know. Because why would Shane, the guy who could quite possibly be an A&F model one day, like me?? None of it makes any sense. I really need to talk to Rob about this. I really need to know what the hell is going on. Because Steph is going to make me crazy talking about the "connection" Shane and I had Sunday night. It's called flirting Steph. FLIRTING.

She should know. She's the one with the boyfriend.

I don't know what to do now. I guess I'll just see how tomorrow night goes and see where things go from there. Because I don't know what to think right now. At this point I might just ignore him the entire night and just play with Rob's hair because obviously he's keeping something from us. And if he's "in a relationship" I don't want him touching me and flirting with me like what happened on Sunday night.

And to think... I wanted to kiss him.

-M

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